I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
