Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
