I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
