I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
