So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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