At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
