i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
