i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
