Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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