if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my phone needs a breathalizer
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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