His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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