she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
