i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
