Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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