You really coming over, don't trick.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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