is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
