If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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