i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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