there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
