seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
