Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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