I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
