The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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