It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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