I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
