Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
