He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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