I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
