sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
