We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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