put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
