new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
