I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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