its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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