...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my phone needs a breathalizer
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
