As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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