I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
