i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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