Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
