Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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