I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
