Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
