Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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