he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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