you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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