she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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