I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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