So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
