So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
