Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
