Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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