HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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